Everything Wrong With Gender Reveal Parties…

1. You don’t know if your baby is a boy or a girl

Yes, yes, yes, you’re sick of trans people and ‘woke’ cis people pointing out that gender isn’t the same as birth-assigned sex. But it isn’t! What you’re revealing isn’t whether your baby is a boy or a girl, but what genitals your baby has and the category they will be put in because of it. As adults, male and female look different, but before puberty, the only difference between ‘boys’ and ‘girls’ is the shape of their genitals. And that’s a creepy reason to throw a party.

Your child could grow up to be transgender, and the more importance you place on determining gender from genitals the more trouble you’re going to have with that.

2. Assumed gender is not the main fact about your baby

People always ask if your baby is a boy or a girl as if that’s the only thing that matters about a baby. The health of the baby, the health of the mum, weight, appearance, what you’re going to name them, whether they have any birthmarks etc; these are also facts about a baby you could be asking or announcing.

To be quite honest? You had a baby, and a new person now exists. That’s the main fact here, not what supposed gender they are. There is the amazing feat of birth, the fact that everyone has yet to meet this baby and while be excited they were born, and the sheer fact that they’re a human being not a one in two option. But yet, the gender is the big reveal.

3. It revolves around silly gender stereotypes

These parties are never just the announcement and then unrelated partying; the reveal is visual and the party that follows is connected to the gender announced. It’s a baby, and people are very complicated, so how do people and products reveal gender in these parties? Stereotypes. Using the dull pink or blue, or having some stereotypical interests the child might or might not have based on their gender.

None of the adults in your life has personalities based on one or two interests that are shared by everyone that’s the same gender as them. None of the women in your life only wear pink and none of the men only blue. Why is the baby being shoved into one or two gendered traits or revealed as pink-themed or blue-themed?

4. Enforcing gender roles is damaging to all children

It isn’t just transgender people who are damaged by enforcing gender on them; gender roles limit all children and cause them to limit themselves. It isn’t just saying that girls do A and boys do B, which pressures girls into A and boys into B, it pressures boys away from A and girls away from B. There is a serious lack of women in STEM careers, and it stems from gender stereotyping. If sports are for boys, girls feel like they can’t do it before they even try, and the idea that it’s for boys is ‘proven’ by the lack of girls who like sport. Likewise, if boys who don’t like sport are made to feel less than and pushed into taking part, and the idea that it’s for boys is ‘proven’ by all the boys who play sports.

It might not seem like a big deal, but putting one gender role on a child is just shutting off the other options from them. These gender reveal parties tend to have really narrow roles for boys and girls, and separating children into two groups and assigning things to one or the other is damaging for any child.

5. The gender roles for baby girls are misogynistic

All the pink… but it’s not just pink, it’s the activities and interests that people use to represent ‘girl’ in gender reveals. It’s always almost an aesthetic thing; a feminine item of clothing that is decorative, an accessory, something to make you look more attractive. To the gender reveal, a girl is a pretty thing, and a pretty thing only.

This narrow view is basically the dictionary definition of misogyny – women are capable, skilled and valuable as more than aesthetically pleasing objects. Women should be allowed to be unattractive.

6. The gender roles for baby boys are toxic

The pastel blue is the last soft thing in the gender stereotypes for boys that aren’t scarily violent. While girls are represented by aesthetic things, boys are represented by weapons or war. Guns, camo, army clothing… boys are trained to be aggressive from birth, and this is a huge part of a problem called “toxic masculinity” where men feel unable to express any emotion other than anger.

This not only makes them push joy, sadness, and worry inside them to eat them up, it causes them to define their interactions with other people via violence. Men should be able to have and express feelings, and this starts by not categorising boys as bullets.

7. It’s just one more pointless thing you feel pressured to spend money on

It’s a well-known fact that having a baby is an expensive decision. Eighteen years plus of expenses, with some very pricey necessities right when they’re born. Preparing your home, cots, clothes, nappies, pushchairs, food, medical bills, pregnancy clothing, the list goes on and on. Not to miss an opportunity, however, society has decreed you must have multiple parties and events where people have to buy you presents and you have to pay to host a good party. Pregnancy announcements with professional photoshoots, baby showers with pre-birth gifts, and gender reveals with huge reveal displays… and all before the baby is born.

The announcement needs to be in the form of a visual display, with a professionally made cake that’s pink or blue inside, a fancy box filled with helium balloons or a jack-in-the-box style confetti popper. These things are priced to match the supposed ‘need’ and replace a simple spoken announcement – the party itself replaces a card or even text to family and friends.

8. It only works if you pretend intersex isn’t a thing

Of course, these sex reveals rely on the belief that your newborn baby will one hundred percent have easily identifiable genitals and their hormones will develop in the expected way, with expected reproductive organs etc. It’s estimated that one in a hundred children are born intersex, and many of those will have “ambiguous genitals”. Even if the ultrasound technician can see genitals that they can categorise, this doesn’t rule out intersex conditions.

Intersex children may have ‘normal’ genitals of one sex category but the full appearance otherwise of the other sex category. One in a hundred may seem like a small chance, but when nearly 700,000 babies born each year in the UK, that’s nearly 7,000 intersex babies every year, or an average of 19 a day. Intersex people are real and cannot be ignored for your comfort.

9. It adds to the culture of ‘corrective’ genital surgery

Not only do intersex babies get born despite the insistence that all babies are either 100% male or 100% female, they are a much-mistreated group. For the babies that are born with ambiguous genitals, a sad truth is the idea that it’s abnormal means unnecessary surgery is done to ‘fix’ them. These babies often grow up with no idea they are intersex until puberty because they have been made to appear non-intersex and obviously this aesthetic surgery doesn’t magically make them non-intersex and their hormones and reproductive systems are still those of an intersex person.

In an era where religious people are criticised for circumcising their babies, and there is much debate on whether non-life-threatening medical issues should be dealt with via surgery when surgery on babies is so risky… The idea that performing such severe surgery on children to pretend they aren’t intersex is horrifying, and it all stems from this need to announce children as ‘boys’ or ‘girls’ before they’re even born.

Your New Year’s Resolution Doesn’t Need To Be a Revolution!

Soon it will be January, and you know what that means. The gyms will be packed with slightly chubby people overexerting themselves, the health food shops will be stocking up for people who don’t even like green vegetables, and your workplace will be unbearable as most of your colleagues go through withdrawal for the caffeine, alcohol or tobacco they’ve gone cold turkey on with no preparation. Yes, it’s the time of year people desperately try to better themselves with New Year’s Resolutions.

Before you make your resolution, think about the one you made last year. Did you keep it up all year? Do you even remember what it was? That’s the thing, isn’t it? Everyone makes these grand declarations and puts their full effort in for a month or two, before dropping it like a lukewarm potato, and ultimately forgetting the whole thing until the next New Year.

The simple fact of the matter is, the reason most people don’t keep to their New Year’s Resolution is because they going too big and having a revolution instead, without any real plans to help them continue that major change. Without anything solid to support this big revolution, they revert back to their life as it was before. Take it from someone who’s getting ready for 2017 having kept their resolution all year; this is how to achieve your New Year goals.

The first thing is to think of something achievable. Yes, you want to be a better version of you, but if you never exercise is going to the gym twice a week for an hour anywhere near likely to be something you can keep up forever? Or, maybe, you could go at least once a month or join a fun sports class. Likewise, instead of quitting cigarettes cold turkey for the year, aim to cut down and end the year cigarette-free.

Similarly, if you don’t really want to do something you aren’t going to be motivated to do it. You don’t like ‘healthy’ food, you don’t really want to start that dramatic diet, and you aren’t really that worried about your weight. So don’t make that revolution, make a resolution related to a more enjoyable self-improvement: Read a book every month; Learn a new language; Take up a hobby.

Of course, it’s not as simple as just having an achievable goal; if only it were! Plenty of people make New Year’s Resolutions, keep to them perfectly for a month or two, and then just… stop. There are a few simple things you need to do to keep your resolution all year. The biggest barrier would seemingly be forgetting, so setting yourself reminders is a sure fire way to prevent that reason for resolution drop-off.

Depending on what your resolution is, there are a few good ways to keep it to mind. Put a picture of the activity in places you’ll see it often, such as on your fridge or as your phone background. Write yourself a note on your calendar, inside the cover of your notebook, or on a sticky note by your workspace. Subscribe to a YouTube channel related to your resolution so it’s uploads remind you, or rename your alarm to get daily reminders. As long as you can’t forget all about it, you’re doing well.

It’s not enough to just remember, you have to get into the habit. Once something is part of your routine, it’s easier to keep doing it than it is to stop. If it’s something you want to do daily, do it the same time each day and maybe add it to your morning routine – do your exercises as part of your getting up and ready for work or school, read a novel during your commute, or swap your breakfast for a healthier choice.

For other things, set aside a set time each week; go tidy the attic every Thursday after work, go for a jog on a Saturday morning, or watch YouTube tutorials for the skill you want to learn on a Monday night. Soon enough you’ll be into the swing of it and won’t even need to think about it. Joining a class or club can help too, giving you motivation while you’re still getting yourself in the habit.

The point of New Year’s Resolutions isn’t just to do them, of course, but to achieve something. Keeping track of milestones can help you stay motivated, whether you’re tracking how long you’ve kept it up or tracking how much you’ve changed or learned. Make a note in your calendar every month, marking how well you’ve kept your resolution that month and how far through the year you are. For a “Do X every week” type resolution, keeping a list of what book, film, etc you read, watched, etc not only helps you know what you’ve done but also show you have many weeks and months you’ve done it for.

If your resolution is weight or health related, it’s obvious to weigh or otherwise health check yourself regularly to keep track. For other body goals and skills, however, you can check in other ways to see how far you’ve come. Take an online test each month to see how much you’ve learned, make an item with your new skill every month and compare it to the previous months ones, or keep note of your exercise times and distances.

Achieving your goals might be reward enough, and between the life changes and watching your milestones pass by might be the best end result for you. It’s not always enough, though, and giving yourself other rewards can give you a bigger sense of achievement and celebration. Treat yourself whenever you reach a milestone!

You could relate it to your resolution; going out for dinner if its food related or buying a nice new novel if it’s something to do with reading or fiction. It doesn’t have to be related, of course, and you can treat yourself with a video game purchase or allow yourself as much TV time as you spend on learning your new skill, for example.

If you manage to keep your New Year’s Resolution until the end of the year, you’ll have that happy feeling of achievement, be improved as a person in whatever way you chose, and ready to carry on, upgrade or choose something else entirely for the next year.

Costume Creativity: Basic Hallowe’en Ideas… But With Some Twists

It’s nearly Hallowe’en, and you haven’t decided on a costume yet. Every year you just lump with a classic costume like ‘generic witch’ or a more cosplay style pop culture reference like a recently deceased celebrity as a zombie. Yawn. But don’t panic! It’s easy to make more of an impact at your Hallowe’en parties with very little cerebral effort (that means thinking) and impress people with one of these twists on the costume classics:

Werewolf:

A monster less popular these days, possibly due to the effort it takes, the lack of realism in many portrayals, or the lesser place of wild animals in our lives. Either way, a werewolf costume is a retro-feeling costume that’s easy to make feel unique.

Were-What?

Not quite as silly as the Wallace and Gromit film “Curse of the Were-Rabbit”, taking the typical werewolf approach to another animal makes a funny twist. Ripped and muddy clothes go well with big, furry, carnivorous animals for an old school scare. A were-rabbit could be scary; give it the creepy full-head mask look for an uncanny creepy feel.

Big Bad

A fairy tale twist on horror, or a horror twist on fairy tales? The wolf in granny’s clothing is easy to be funny, but that was done with high viewership in Shrek. Keep this one dark with blood or even evidence of eating Little Red Riding Hood herself. The other Big Bad Wolf was in the Three Little Pigs, so another scary tale costume can swap red fabric for some bacon…

Ghosts

It feels like a staple, but the simplicity of ghost costumes makes them feel boring. Despite the fact that it’s unlikely anyone you know has every cut eye holes out of a sheet and put it over their head to be a ghost, it’s a stereotype. Put some effort in, or don’t because ghosts aren’t as overplayed as they feel.

Accuracy

Step one: dress up in as accurate a historical costume as you can, be it Victorian or the 80s. Step two: make sure all of the clothes are white, paint your exposed skin white and use temporary hair colour to make your hair white. Boom. You now look like an accurate [into time period here] ghost! It’s high effort, but highly spooky and impressive.

Deadspread

Far less effort and far less spooky is this jokey option. Riffing on the classic bedsheet costume, take a coloured or patterned sheet or even a blanket and cut eyes in it. The deliberate fail of a basic ghost costume that isn’t even plain white is well worth the giggle, and you won’t feel like you wasted time and money if the laughs don’t last all night.

Witches

This classic costume is mostly confined to the ladies. It’s also one of the most common costumes with most of the more basic twists just as common. Characters, including Harry Potter and plain clothes witches like those in Charmed and Sabrina, done. Gothic or punky, making it more of a regular fashion outfit with a pointy hat, done. Good or cute witch, done. Luckily there are some untapped ideas.

Wet-ch

From the Slavic kikimora to the English Jenny Greenteeth, watery witches are a global terror. With a wet-look costume and some culturally specific accessories, such as a kikimora’s bare feet or Jenny’s big pointy teeth, this witch might be hatless but is definitely horrifying. You’ll definitely make a splash at a party, at least.

The Three Graeae

A group costume, yes, but a group costume to rival all others. The Graeae were the trio of witches that Perseus meets in his quest to kill Medusa. They sometimes took the form of hideous old women for those who want to wear fake warts and cloaks, and sometimes the form of beautiful young women, for those who want to sexy it up. Oh, and they only had one eye between them, which they took in turns to use and passed to each other by hand.

Skeleton

Watch out, there’s a spooky, scary skeleton inside you right now! The ever present fear of death not only hangs over us and makes us terrified of our insides, but gives us great amusement in Hallowe’en costumes (and decoration). Maybe it’s that deep down we know that it’s something that exists non-scarily in our everyday lives, or maybe it’s the ridiculousness of unconnected bones managing to stay upright in a human shape.

Muscle Man

While skeleton costumes are easy to make at home, ready made skeleton costumes exist to save you time and artistic effort. Likewise, muscle costumes exist. No, not those padded strongman tops, but another insides horror. Unsettling in a way skeletons can’t be, this probably isn’t safe for children’s parties, or safe from anatomical criticism from any doctors or medical students you might know.

Beast Bones

What’s a little creepier than a human skeleton? An animal skeleton, of course. With some different bone structures to play with, including wings, tails and legs, there’s space for creativity. Most obvious of all, of course, is the skull. Birds have beaks, deer and goats have horns, big cats have big teeth. Swapping the two tone face paint for a strangely shaped mask is a definite costume win.

Seven Surprising Things You Learn Working In a Charity Shop

People Shoplift from Charity Shops

This surprised me the most. The heartlessness of coming into a shop staffed by volunteers, raising money for a charitable cause… and nicking stuff. The pettiness of stealing things that are being sold for a pound. It’s not even like it’s poorer people stealing, either; it seems to be people who could easily afford the items at full retail price.

I walked in for an afternoon shift just as a full rack of jeans was discovered missing. There was just an empty rack, so whoever it was had just picked them all up with no regard for size or style and left with maybe ten pairs of jeans. More experienced staff said those jeans will likely end up on a market stall or on e-bay.

You Find Out All Kinds of Personal Things

Most people are aware that old ladies will happily tell everyone all about their latest surgery, but it turns out that all kinds of people will also happily tell charity shop staff the gory details of their personal lives. Women tell me at the till about their changes in breast size and point out the size of the bras they’re buying. People tell me exactly what reason they’re buying clothes for and exactly what they think of a relative who’s wedding it is.

The most interesting anecdote of all isn’t mine, but a coworker’s as they told me how weird it gets sometimes. An attractively dressed woman with a lot of make up on came in, and looked at revealing clothes and high heels, as she has done since when I’ve been in. This time, apparently, a man came up to her and asked her if she was working. After a moment of her panicked face, she told him to wait outside. Turns out she’s a sex worker. The funny part of the story is that my coworker says she carried on shopping for nearly an hour while the man stood around outside waiting!

People Act As If the Prices are Extortionate

It’s a charity shop. The things are mostly second hand and none of the clothes cost more than a fiver. There are some truly lovely, good quality items that seem to be brand new, and they’re priced higher than used and basic items while still being charity-shop cheap. Someone, people still try to sweet talk themselves discounts or complain about the price.

I helped a woman shorter than me, getting a handbag down off of the wall for her. We chatted about the designer label, the likelihood that it was real leather, and the as-new quality it was in. She took it to the till, but then asked in surprise if the price on the label was right; apparently £14.99 is a shocking price to ask for an as-new bag that is nearly £900 new, and she left without buying anything.

People Donate Brand New, Quality Items…

Having never really had a lot of money in my teens or adult life, I’ve only really given old clothes to younger relatives and more recently sold them on eBay, or binned them if they were too damaged. The things that go to the charity shop are things you don’t need to replace (and thus sell for money towards the replacement) and things that wouldn’t fit a relative. Seeing some of the great clothes and other things we get in the charity shop is a heart-warming reminder that people who are better off do actually donate their possessions rather than share and sell for extra money.

Just as the nearly £900, barely-used designer handbag, I’ve put out, neatened up or sold some items that it really reassures my faith in humanity to find donated. We’ve had brand new items, still in their packets, including mid-range shirts. I can tell many of the books donated to us have never been read, their spines stiff and pages pristine, and one or two even with the unfaded receipt still tucked into the back cover. Much of our nicest non-clothes items are PDSA items such as pet-themed décor, but even that gets donated; I’ve sold a painting and wondered who painted it, who donated such a lovely item.

…and Old, Broken Rubbish

Unfortunately, people also seem to see charity shops as a dump where you get to feel good about yourself, and we get people attempting to ‘donate’ all kinds of rubbish. We don’t take electrical items and things like bike helmets, as it’s near impossible for us to know if they’re in usable condition. We find that clothes are too ripped or that battery items have old, mouldy batteries in them, but that’s a judgement call.

It’s when people try to give us obviously cracked bike helmets that would be dangerous to use, puzzles and multi-piece toys with many pieces missing, or things that are blatantly of no use to anyone that’s most frustrating. I’ve even had to explain that no, we don’t take kitchen cupboard doors with no hinges or handles!

People Have Zero Common Sense

While it is a volunteering role for a charity, it’s also retail work in a high street shop. As such, you get all the same realisations of customer ignorance. There’s something about walking into a shop that makes people forget how to read, use logic and count, and it seems that charity shops are one of the worst for this.

The typical occurrence of people handing you clothes with labels on the top with huge £1 stickers and asking you how much they cost happens, as does people looking at a sign that says “3 items only in the changing room” then asking if the curtained area is a changing room or how many items they can take in. I had to repeatedly explain to a customer that while I personally did not know if the watch she was buying had a battery in it, it had been tested and did work. She walked over to a display while I rung her purchase up on the till, then asked if I had, in that time, tested the watch.

Charity Shops Are a Local Charity, Too

While the point of charity shops are already charities, raising money for animal, medical and international charities, the shops themselves provide a charitable service to the local community. In selling the things people have donated, charity shops are shops selling cheap second hand things that people can afford easier.

A woman came in to buy her kids some holiday clothes, as new clothes for 4 children can get very expensive very quickly. A couple of people come in regular, donating the puzzles they’ve completed and buying up new puzzles to do. In a conversation I had with a customer, I realised he was a homeless man buying an interview suit for less than £10. Working in a charity shop gives you a real insight into their role in the community.

Why Reusable Menstrual Pads are The Best Option and Not “Icky”

The logic of what is and isn’t socially acceptable can be odd; reusable cloth nappies are an admirable choice when you have a baby and ‘moon cups’, reusable plastic menstrual cups, are gaining popularity. Despite those two things being socially acceptable, reusable cloth menstrual pads just aren’t something people have positive reactions to hearing about.

While ‘moon cups’ are written about and shown off as THE reusable menstrual item, their insertable nature means they are only really comparable to tampons. For people who use pads for whatever reason they do, reusable pads are the alternative to disposable pads. After all, some people just don’t trust insertables not to leak, find them too invasive and upsetting, find them uncomfortable, or just don’t like the idea. Plus, it’s reusable pads that don’t get the praise they deserve.

All three products have the same main drawback. You have to clean them. Cleaning plastic cups only means a quick rinse, but cloth does has to be washed. Washing cloth pads isn’t too hands-on or laborious, as after a soak they’re fine to put in the washing machine. One little waterproof bin with a lid in the bathroom and it’s a small chore. Pouring the dirty water away and chucking the pads in the washing machine is far less unpleasant than cleaning the poop from socially acceptable cloth nappies!

There are many benefits to cloth pads, from the eco-friendliness of reusing them to the trans pleasure of them being infinitely less gendered a product. They work out much, much cheaper in the long run than disposable pads, too. While a full set can cost around £80, depending on what thickness you need, a month’s supply of disposable pads can be as much as £4. It doesn’t seem like much, but it soon adds up. £4 a month is over £200 a year! Even if you only spend £1.50 a month, it’s only a year before you’re saving money with cloth pads. If you’re handy with a sewing machine you could even make your own, meaning they’d only cost as much as the fabric itself.

The fact that they’re reusable is why they’re eco-friendly, too. Instead of binning at three or more pads a day for an average of five days a month, filling landfills with at least 180 pads a year, you could avoid that altogether. That’s the main appeal of cloth nappies too, and in this era of global warming and realisation that we can’t keep just binning everything, environmental choices are admirable. If you sort your recycling and buy products with less packaging, this should be just your cup of tea. Metaphorically speaking. Make sure your pads have some peace signs and flowers on them, you hippy, you’re helping to save the Earth.

Yes, peace signs and flowers. Cloth pads aren’t plain white with sticky backs, they’re coloured fabric with pop button wings. The lack of glue is fantastic for someone like me, as I have a skin allergy to glue. If you’re prone to sweat, itching or discomfort, the breathable fabric is a wonder. The colour choices take menstrual pads from function object you hide away to item of clothing. You can choose light fabrics to see how heavy your flow is being or dark colours to hide any staining, you can have them all in your favourite colour or match different colour pads to different colour pants, and you can choose patterns like flowers, skulls and cross bones or birds. You’ll want to hang them to dry in your living room so people can see how nice they are. You’ll want to store them in full view, and flash your pants at people when you are wearing them.

Those pretty and funky patterns are just the tip of the iceberg of how different an idea the people making cloth pads and the companies making disposable pads have of their products of menstruation itself. Far less ashamed of natural bodily functions, the product descriptions on Etsy don’t avoid saying what they actually are and use words like menstrual and blood. Feminist and hippy words like ‘moon’ for ‘period’ come up, too, but the euphemisms are positive instead of embarrassed.

For trans men and other non-women who menstruate, the lack of words like “feminine hygiene product” are great in that reusable pads are often completely ungendered. Some shops go on about womanliness, but many are gender neutral and some cater towards trans people. Those colours and patterns are good on this point, too, as you can completely avoid the pinks and purples and the soft girly packet patterns most menstrual products have, and opt for whatever makes you feel manly or genderless about your period. Having dark pads hides the blood, too, so is fantastic for anyone who feels dysphoric or just squicked out by seeing it.

One benefit that won’t cross your mind until you actually use them is the comfort. Allergies aside, wearing disposable menstrual pads aren’t as comfortable as not wearing them. They might rub or make you sweat, but they just aren’t made of soft fabric. Cloth pads, being cloth, are. The initial chill you might feel of the metal pop-clip on your leg aside, having pads made of fabric won’t feel any different to regular underwear. All those discrete and unnoticeable disposable pads have nothing on pads that feel like any other fabric. For people with heavy periods, the rustle of a heavy or night pad as you move makes it feel more like a nappy than the secret it claims to be. You know what doesn’t have a plastic-y rustle? Fabric.

Here’s hoping these wonders get more socially acceptable, and more people get to experience them. The downsides are few and the upsides are abundant; if you’re using disposables it’s the perfect time to switch!

Seven Fun Things to Call Your Period

“I’m on my period.” Boring! Liven up your calendar and conversation with these far more fun things to call your period. Rather than being ranked, as they’re all pretty great, they’re in alphabetical order.

Communism:

This is just a crass reference to the use of red symbolism in communism and the redness of blood. It’s fun to use whether you’re pro- or anti-communist, though, as drawing a hammer and sickle on the calendar or saying that the communists are in power aren’t positive or negative in themselves.

Dishonourable Discharge from the Uterine Navy

It’s a bit of a sentence, but it makes what is literally happening sound like being fired from the military. You can drop the ‘dishonourable’ part if you’d prefer, and draw boats on the calendar.

Laying an Egg

As well as uterine lining, a period if disposing of that months unfertilised egg. Saying you’re laying an egg is tenuously true, even if it’s not laying as such and there’s only an egg if you’re currently fertile, and brings up the image of you as a giant chicken. Win-win.

MANstruation:

A great pun for trans men, as it’s not just the ladies who menstruate, this reinforces your gender and un-feminises your period. Other silly transmasculine puns include “duderus” and “brovaries”, and all require you to smirk a bit when you say them.

Moon:

A bit of a hippy one, to be fair. A moon cycle is around 28 days, just like the average menstrual cycle, and there’s some incomplete evidence that the moon can effect mood and menstruation just as its gravity effects the tides.

Pants Week:

Depending on what menstrual products you use, your period means you can’t go commando or wear boxers, thongs or other underwear bottoms without the right shape. Call them pants, briefs or knickers, this is the week you have to wear them.

Shark Week:

Like the Discovery channel’s week of special programmes, you mark off on your calendar for the blood and panic. Alternatively, a diagram of a shark’s brain is coincidently the same basic shape as a diagram of vagina, uterus and ovaries. Make of that what you will.

Changing Your Name by Deed Poll

It’s common practice for trans people to change our names to ones more fitting of our genders, but people change their names when they get married or separate, to make a hard to spell or pronounce name simpler, or just to have a more commonly used nickname as an official name on documents.

Whatever your reasons, it can seem daunting. Advice online can be confusing, with sites claiming to be easiest and cheapest, old fashioned transgender advice and vague government pages. What’s most misleading are the services you pay for a deed poll. They carefully word things to make you think you have to pay, so finding the cheapest or most official company is your best option, but you don’t have to pay. It’s worth repeating – you don’t have to pay for a deed poll! It’s easy and equally valid to do your own deed poll.

There are some restrictions on what you can choose as a name; you can’t have a title like Princess or Lord as a first name and you aren’t allowed to have an overtly offensive name such as Adolf Hitler or a string of swearwords. You need a first name and a surname at least, for most place to accept it, and then you’re ready to make your deed poll.

The Deed Poll

All you need to change your name by deed poll is two witnesses who aren’t related to you, but other than that can be anyone (you can ask strangers if you want!) and an official looking piece of paper with this printed on it:

Deed Poll on Change of Name

This change of name deed made this [date] day of [month, year]

By me the undersigned [full new name] of [street address] in the County of [county] now or lately known as [full old name] a British Citizen under section 37(1) of the British Nationality Act 1981

Witnesses and it is hereby declared as follows:-

  • I absolutely and entirely renounce relinquish and abandon the use of my said former name of [full old name] and assume adopt and determine to take and use from the date hereof the name of [full new name] in substitution of my former name [full old name]
  • I shall at all times hereafter in all records deeds documents and other writings and in all actions and proceedings as well as in all dealings and transactions and on all occasions whatsoever use and subscribe the said name of [full new name] as my name in substitution for my former name of [full old name] so relinquished as aforesaid to the intent that I may hereafter be called known or distinguished not by the former name of [full old name] but by [full new name] only,
  • I authorise and require all persons at all times to designate describe and address me by the adopted name of [full new name].

In witness whereof I have hereunto subscribed my adopted and substituted name of [new full name] and also my said former name of [old full name] and have set my hand the day and year first above written.

Signed as a deed by the above-named

[old and new signatures]

[full new name], formerly known as [full old name]

In the presence of

[witness 1 signature]

[witness 1 first and surname] of [street address] in [county] [postcode]

[witness 2 signature]

[witness 2 first and surname] of [street address] in [county] [postcode]

Technically you can write “I [old name] hereby change my name to [new name]” on the back on an envelope, but by having an official looking document it is a lot easier to get your other documents changed to your new name.

Who to Tell

Now you have a deed poll, your name is official! However, you still have to inform every company for them to change your records, and that can be a lot to remember.

DVLA – if you have a driving license, you MUST inform the DVLA as soon as possible, as using your old licence is considered fraudulent and you can face a fine of up to £1000!

Electoral Registration – you must inform the council for your electoral registration to be updated, as this is often used to check your details by other companies.

Passport – you need to get a new passport, but changing your picture is optional.

HMRC – your National Insurance will need to be updated

Banks and Building Societies – remember to inform every bank and building society you have an account with!

Employers and Education – any employer you have needs to know and updated records and payment details, and any school, college or university you’re enrolled in needs to know too.

Bills and Loans – your landlord and or mortgage company will need to know, as will any company you pay bills towards such as mobile phone, gas and electric, and things like club memberships. If you have any loans, including Student Loans, those companies will need to know too.

Doctor, Dentist etc – your medical records and any billing information will need updating. Private companies such as the opticians will all need informing, and it might be quicker to tell all NHS departments such as your GP and various specialist separately rather than wait for the first to inform all the others.

Benefits Departments – if you receive benefits, you will need to tell the department that deals with them, such as Work and Pensions for JSA.

Anywhere else you use your legal name – your deed poll is a promise to stop using your old name and start using your new name in its place, so tell any organisation you have your name listed as you go along. There’s no rush with this, but the whole point of changing your name is using a different name.

Friends, family, acquaintances – most likely two of your good friends were your witnesses, and you excitedly told other friends and family members. If it wasn’t an expected change, like your surname when you got married, or you didn’t make a big announcement to everyone, make sure you don’t forget anyone.