“I’m on my period.” Boring! Liven up your calendar and conversation with these far more fun things to call your period. Rather than being ranked, as they’re all pretty great, they’re in alphabetical order.
This is just a crass reference to the use of red symbolism in communism and the redness of blood. It’s fun to use whether you’re pro- or anti-communist, though, as drawing a hammer and sickle on the calendar or saying that the communists are in power aren’t positive or negative in themselves.
Dishonourable Discharge from the Uterine Navy
It’s a bit of a sentence, but it makes what is literally happening sound like being fired from the military. You can drop the ‘dishonourable’ part if you’d prefer, and draw boats on the calendar.
Laying an Egg
As well as uterine lining, a period if disposing of that months unfertilised egg. Saying you’re laying an egg is tenuously true, even if it’s not laying as such and there’s only an egg if you’re currently fertile, and brings up the image of you as a giant chicken. Win-win.
A great pun for trans men, as it’s not just the ladies who menstruate, this reinforces your gender and un-feminises your period. Other silly transmasculine puns include “duderus” and “brovaries”, and all require you to smirk a bit when you say them.
A bit of a hippy one, to be fair. A moon cycle is around 28 days, just like the average menstrual cycle, and there’s some incomplete evidence that the moon can effect mood and menstruation just as its gravity effects the tides.
Depending on what menstrual products you use, your period means you can’t go commando or wear boxers, thongs or other underwear bottoms without the right shape. Call them pants, briefs or knickers, this is the week you have to wear them.
Like the Discovery channel’s week of special programmes, you mark off on your calendar for the blood and panic. Alternatively, a diagram of a shark’s brain is coincidently the same basic shape as a diagram of vagina, uterus and ovaries. Make of that what you will.